The philosophical outburst of a therapist
In psychotherapy and coaching, I stumble daily over the question: "Am I normal?", "Is this normal?", "It’s not normal, is it?" To save myself and my cherished clients time and money, I’ve decided to clearly and definitively lay out my position on this matter. Feel free to share this text with anyone who frequently uses the term "normal."
Let’s be honest: what does "normal" even mean? Normal is just an average – like a T-shirt size M, somewhere between S and XXL. It’s simply the most common value on a scale. Imagine we all aspired to normality, meaning we’d all have to wear size M because that’s supposedly the "right" or "normal" size. Can you picture a world like that? For some, it would feel like being squeezed into a sausage casing – bursting at the seams! For others, like children, it would be a stylish one-person tent. Do you see how absurd that is? We all have our own size, and that’s exactly what makes us unique – and also pretty beautiful and interesting! But where does this strong BELIEF in normality even come from?
The origin of normality and the idea of the average
The concept of normality is deeply ingrained in our social and psychological thinking, but upon closer examination, it becomes clear that this idea is more of a construct than an objective reality. The term "normality" originates from the Latin word normalis, meaning "according to rule" or "by measure." This origin already reveals a fundamental issue: What is the measure we are supposed to follow? Who defines it, and how justified is it to apply it equally to everyone?
In the 19th century, the concept of "normality" gained popularity with the development of statistics, particularly through the work of Adolphe Quetelet, a Belgian mathematician. Quetelet introduced the concept of the "average man" (l’homme moyen) to mathematically describe societal phenomena. From this perspective, the average value was interpreted not only as a mathematical tool but also as an ideal. Yet this approach leads to a fundamental misunderstanding: the average does not represent the individual but merely an abstract, statistical summary of a group.
The average is often seen as a standard to aspire to. But what does this average mean for an individual? Psychologically speaking: not much. No person perfectly fits the average, and every human life is shaped by a unique combination of traits, abilities, and experiences. In this sense, the average is a construct that helps us understand societal trends but tells us nothing about the "normality" or value of an individual life.
The spectrum of human diversity
A central flaw in the concept of normality is that it ignores diversity. People don’t exist within rigid frameworks; instead, they inhabit a wide spectrum of experiences, behaviors, and identities. Any attempt to define normality risks oversimplifying this spectrum’s complexity and creating an unfair hierarchy that labels deviations as "abnormal" or "problematic."
From a psychological perspective, this fixation on normality often leads to negative consequences. People who perceive themselves as "abnormal" may experience shame, anxiety, or pressure to conform to the supposed norm. Yet this pressure is based on the illusion that the majority, which aligns with an average, is somehow a higher standard. In reality, what the majority does has no direct bearing on an individual’s life. There is no reason why a majority should dictate the rules for individual happiness or personal growth.
The narcissistic illusion of being above-average
In addition to striving for normality, society also shows a problematic tendency: the narcissistic illusion that being above average is always better. This desire to be better, more extraordinary, or part of a special elite often stems from a deep need to compensate for one’s vulnerability. People who cling to this belief frequently avoid confronting their feelings of inadequacy or childhood wounds. Instead, they seek validation by distancing themselves from others to escape a perceived mediocrity. But this striving does not lead to genuine self-acceptance. Instead, it amplifies inner emptiness, as it is rooted in a comparison with others that can never satisfy one’s deeper needs for acceptance and healing. Recognizing this illusion can free us from the compulsion to elevate ourselves above others and instead foster authentic connections that celebrate our shared humanity.
Diversity as a psychological reality
Modern psychology has recognized that diversity is the foundation of human experience. People differ not only in personality traits but also in their cultural backgrounds, neurological predispositions, physical abilities, and social roles. These differences are not deviations from a norm but expressions of the richness of human existence.
It’s essential to acknowledge that the idea of normality is often shaped by power structures. What is considered normal is frequently defined by those who dominate society. This leads to the marginalization of people who do not fit into this narrow concept and reinforces existing inequalities. By questioning the concept of normality, we can adopt a more inclusive perspective that views diversity not as a deviation but as the natural state of being.
Conclusion
Normality is a myth. The average, upon which this concept is based, is merely a statistical tool that says nothing about the individual. Humans exist within a spectrum of possibilities, and their uniqueness cannot be measured by the norms of the majority. Psychologically speaking, the value of an individual does not lie in their conformity to a fictitious norm but in their ability to live authentically and in alignment with themselves. By letting go of the illusion of normality, we open the door to a deeper understanding and greater appreciation of human diversity.
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