Recognize and Understand 'Love Addiction'
Answer the following questions to evaluate your emotional and relational situation. For each question, rate from 1 to 5, where 1 means "Never" and 5 means "Always."
Mini-Test to Identify Emotional Dependency in Everyday Life
Do you often ask your partner if they love you or if they are faithful? Example: "Do you still love me?", "Do you have someone else?", "Are you cheating on me?" or "Are you lying to me?"
Do you feel a strong anxiety or worry that your partner might leave you? Example: "If my partner doesn't respond to my messages right away, I'm afraid they might leave me."
Do you only feel secure or have self-esteem when your partner shows you affection? Example: "I only feel good about myself when my partner compliments me."
Do you often give up your needs or desires to avoid conflicts with your partner? Example: "I avoid doing things I like because my partner might not approve.
Do you feel empty, anxious, or unable to handle being alone when your partner is not with you? Example: "I don't know what to do with myself when my partner is away."
Do you passively accept your partner's demands, even when you find them unreasonable, to avoid being left? Example: "I always do what my partner wants, even if I don't agree, to avoid arguments." Often also sexually and in your private and individual life.
Interpretation of Results
6-12 points : It is unlikely that you have an emotional dependency, but it is always good to be aware of your relationship dynamics.
13-24 points: You might have some characteristics of emotional dependency. It could be helpful to reflect on these aspects and, if necessary, discuss them with a professional.
25-30 points: Your scores suggest a possible emotional dependency. Consult a therapist to explore these behaviors and find ways to improve your emotional autonomy.
Definition
Love addiction, or emotional dependency, is a pathological and obsessive attachment to a person, characterized by an excessive need for reassurance and approval, with negative consequences for emotional well-being and interpersonal relationships. Individuals affected by this condition often sacrifice their own needs and desires to maintain a relationship, even if it is dysfunctional or harmful.
Causes of Emotional Dependency According to Steve Sussman
Steve Sussman, in his study "Love Addiction: Definition, Etiology, Treatment," explores the roots of emotional dependency, which can be divided into three main categories: neurobiological, evolutionary, and socio-cultural.
Neurobiological: Emotional dependency can be associated with differences in brain circuits for reward and attachment. Alterations in neurotransmitter levels such as dopamine and oxytocin, which are involved in feelings of pleasure and bonding, can make some people more susceptible to pathological dependency in relationships.
Evolutionary: Insecure attachment experiences or traumas in childhood can lead individuals to constantly seek reassurance and affection in adult relationships. This behavior can be seen as a dysfunctional extension of the normal attachment mechanisms necessary for survival in early life.
Socio-cultural: Cultural norms that emphasize the importance of romantic relationships and social approval, along with gender roles and social expectations, can intensify emotional dependency. These influences can cause self-esteem and personal identity to be closely tied to success in interpersonal relationships.
Common Symptoms
A constant need for reassurance: Continuous search for confirmation and fidelity from the partner.
Fear of abandonment: Disproportionate fear of being left or rejected.
Low self-esteem: Self-esteem is tied to the perception of the relationship.
Personal sacrifices: Giving up one's needs to maintain the relationship.
Difficulty being alone: Feeling empty or unable to handle loneliness without a partner.
Submissive behavior: Passively accepting the partner's demands to avoid the risk of being left.
Differences from Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)
While love addiction and Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) share some characteristics, such as the fear of abandonment and the search for reassurance, there are significant differences:
Focus: Love addiction is specifically related to a romantic relationship, whereas DPD manifests in various relational contexts and is not limited to romantic relationships.
Behaviors: In DPD, there is a general dependency on others for daily decisions and support, while in love addiction, the attention is obsessively focused on the romantic relationship.
Useful Therapies if You are Emotionally Dependent
Treating emotional dependency can include various therapeutic approaches, such as:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps recognize and change dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors related to emotional dependency.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores deeply rooted emotional insecurities and dysfunctional attachment patterns.
Support Groups: Provide a sense of community and support from others facing similar issues.
Person-Centered Therapy: Improves self-esteem and promotes emotional autonomy.
Bodymind Therapy: Works first on the individual self, then on the relational self.
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Sources
Sussman, S. (2010): In his article "Love Addiction: Definition, Etiology, Treatment," published in Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Sussman explores the definition, etiology, and treatment of emotional dependency, emphasizing the need for further empirical research.
Gori, A., Russo, S., & Topino, E. (2023): In the study "Love Addiction, Adult Attachment Patterns, and Self-Esteem: Testing for Mediation Using Path Analysis," published in the Journal of Personalized Medicine, the authors analyze factors associated with emotional dependency, highlighting the importance of adult attachment patterns and self-esteem.
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