Understanding Emotional Dependency: Closeness, Addiction, and the Inner Child

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In classical psychology, emotional dependency is often diagnosed as a dependent personality disorder. This diagnosis describes people who rely heavily on affirmation and closeness from others to experience a sense of security and self-worth. The behavior patterns are similar to those of an addiction: just as a person with a substance addiction regulates their well-being through the drug, an emotionally dependent person finds emotional balance in the closeness and affirmation of others [1].

In Bodymind Therapy, however, we take a perspective that views emotional dependency more as a form of addiction rather than a personality disorder. This approach is rooted in the idea that emotional dependency resembles childhood attachment patterns, where a child relies on their mother for a sense of safety. This fundamental dependency on a reference figure often unconsciously persists into adulthood and manifests as a form of "attachment addiction," where the “inner child” projects the “inner mother” or “inner father” onto a partner. This frequently happens in romantic relationships, where a partner becomes a source of emotional "nourishment" [2].

Scientific research increasingly supports this view. Studies show that emotional attachment activates the same reward processes in the brain as substances that create addiction. Dopamine is released whenever closeness and affirmation are experienced in the relationship, while the loss or distance from the loved one can feel like “withdrawal.” Thus, emotional dependency becomes a need that constantly seeks to be satisfied, similar to substance addiction [3].

Researchers such as Stanton Peele and Howard Shaffer highlight that behavior patterns of emotional dependency show similar structures to substance dependencies. They describe how the constant need for attention and search for closeness leads to a loss of control, making emotional dependency more comparable to addictive behavior than simply a personality issue. This phenomenon is particularly evident when emotional dependency occurs in unhealthy relationships that cannot be ended, despite pain and conflict – much like an addiction in which one continues to “consume” despite negative consequences [4].

These patterns are closely related to what attachment research calls “attachment addiction.” Philip Flores, an expert in this field, argues that emotionally dependent people experience a feeling of withdrawal when closeness to a reference figure is lacking. In Bodymind Therapy, we explore these mechanisms and encourage clients to develop new ways to build emotional security and self-worth independently of external affirmation [5].

By viewing emotional dependency as a true addiction, the therapeutic goal shifts toward recognizing these patterns and promoting healthy boundaries and emotional independence. Emotional regulation is learned in a new way, allowing clients to stabilize not through someone external but to find new ways to meet their emotional needs independently and consciously.

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Sources

1. Peele, S., & Brodsky, A. (1975). Love and Addiction. New American Library.

2. Mellody, P., Wells, A., & Miller, J. K. (2003). Facing Love Addiction. HarperOne.

3. Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self. W. W. Norton & Company.

4. Peele, S., & Brodsky, A. (1975). Love and Addiction. New American Library.

5. Flores, P. J. (2004). Addiction as an Attachment Disorder. Jason Aronson.